Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
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Quotes: Partners
© January 31, 2006, Demian

“It’s hard to find love in this world and people should love each other. Trying to make it illegal for people to love each other is outrageous. I have a lot of gay friends who have been married for years and are raising children. They have beautiful families that are far more stable than many heterosexual couples I know. It thrills me. If you find someone to love in this life and they love you back, God bless you.”

       — Renée Zellweger, 2006

“What happens if, too early, we lose a parent, that party on whom we rely for only … everything? What do these people do when their families shrink? They cried their tears. But then they did the vital thing. They built a new family, person by person. They came to see the family need not be defined merely as those with whom they shared blood, but as those for whom they would give their blood”

       — from the excellent film Nicholas Nickleby (2002)
             written by director Douglas McGrath, based on the novel by Charles Dickens
             delivered by Nathan Lane (as Vincent Crummles)

“Living with a boyfriend really does change your life. No longer do you have to trawl the bars every night desperately searching for sex — I get to stay home and beg for it.”

       — Graham Norton, London’s Pink Paper, August 29, 1997.

“No one knows what we have together, no one.

“I always used to be so envious of married people. Now this is it for me, for both of us, forever.

“If Anne [Heche] goes, I want to go, that’s how strongly I feel.”

       — Comedienne Ellen DeGeneres on her partner, Anne Heche, TV Guide, October 11, 1997.

“I saw Ellen [DeGeneres] across a crowded room, not knowing anything at all except how I just was drawn to her. I was not gay before I met her. I never thought about it. Nobody could have been more confused than me. But it was very clear from the second I saw her that this was something more powerful than anything I could have controlled.

“I fell in love with a person. I don’t think it was immediately a sexual attraction. I think it was just, ‘Wow, you are the most incredible person I’ve ever met and I want to be with you.’ Souls connect, and there are times when souls come together and they are just meant to be. It was just incredible. My soul was meant to be with her and that's all that mattered. I looked beyond the sex. I think [that] in love, there’s not sex, there’s not segregation, there’s not anything, there’s just love, and that’s what I feel.

“We thank God every day that we found each other and are so happy. We do a lot of gratitude — a lot of ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you God for giving me this in my life.’ ”

       — Actress Anne Heche, on her partner Ellen DeGeneres on TV’s Oprah, April 30, 1997.

“You know Murphy, Peter is a very good looking guy. Now, I’m not gay, but if I was,
I would be all over him. And you know — we would make a cute couple.”

       — Miller (Christopher Rich) to Murphy Brown (Candice Bergen)
             on the TV show Murphy Brown, May 15, 1995

“After nine years of being determinedly, deliberately single, I have met my life partner and I’m eating my words. My priorities have completely changed. For this period of time, I am completely focused on this relationship. The lesson here is, you never know.”

       — Alix Dobkin, musician, Lesbian News (L.A.)

“We have been together 40 years and in these 40 years we were waiting for this.”

       — Eigil Axgil, 67, before getting a Danish Registered Partnership with Axel Axgil, 74, in 1989
             [See our Committed Couples Gallery III]

The following advice was retrieved from a gay electronic bulletin board cir. 1985

Subject: 2 Years

After about a year, I moved in with my lover. It was no big thing, we were just tired of living on opposite ends of the city, spending an hour driving just to see each other.

Since I’ve never had a long-term relationship, straight or gay, it has been a big learning experience. I have found that I am not as horny as I thought I was — now that I can have sex any time I want — much to the chagrin of my lover, who still has the drive of a 16-year-old. This isn’t a big problem, however.

The biggest problems are trying to figure out why someone would stack dishes in a sink when the damn dishwasher is empty; how anyone with an ounce of brains would insist on squeezing the toothpaste at the top instead of at the bottom; how someone can get mad ’cause I pile my clothes in the bedroom when he strews them about the house.

The hardest part of living together is living together. But it is fun, and after two years I don’t think I’ll trade him in on a different model. It certainly feels strange when I can so absolutely hate and love the same person at different times. When someone is close to you, you start to value their opinions and get incredibly pissed off at times.

Response #1
Subject: Toothpaste
Get a pump.
Response #2
Subject: Your other half
You have no idea how much I’d sacrifice for the irritations you describe. I have never had a lover, and would give so much for that.
Response #3
Subject: Relationships
I have had two long-term relationships in my life, both of which were special and worthwhile. True, not every day is heaven, but it’s worth the effort for the overall joy. I am ready and available for the commitment and effort needed for a permanent long-term relationship. I am not a dreamy-eyed child looking for a life of bliss, but an adult seeking a companion to share lives with.

“I called my family and my closest friend, Kenny — I don’t know what to call him — my partner, my lover and mentor and muse, who is responsible as anyone for the way the book turned out.”

       — Michael Cunningham, upon hearing he had won the Pulitzer Prize, on April 12 1999,
             for his novel “The Hours.” He had won the PEN/Faulkner award four days earlier,
             and is only the second writer to win both awards. He referred to clinical psychologist
             Ken Korbett, describing him as his “most important reader.”

Hey, man:
Sorry to burst your theory, but you are wrong about your assessment of gay men and their inability to be “romantic.” I am four years into a long term relationship with a beautiful, bright, sensitive, wonderful man with whom every day is full of the stuff you might read in a romance novel. Starting with a very long and fairytale-like courtship, we have just naturally fell into a pattern where romance becomes an integral part of our days and nights.

Every morning there is a sweet, hand-written note by the coffee pot, put there the night before by my cherished and thoughtful partner, wishing me a great day and reminding me of how much I mean to him — every day without fail — and my heart still melts when I read them. On icy mornings, I’ll scrape his windshield for him, but leave one little frosty patch with a heart and Cupid’s arrow carved into it. Some days a wild flower will catch my eye and get tucked under his wiper blade.

Every night, before we fall asleep, we make a point of saying “I love you,” and on the few, rare times we didn’t, we will awakened each other just to say it. On the anniversary of the day we met, we honor that day with big bouquets of flowers, candlelit dinners, cards, and especially great sex, which is still hot as well as romantic.

Frequently, I’ll check my voice mail and hear his deep, sexy voice whispering seductive and sweet “some things” into my ear. Sometimes we have long, steamy soaks together in our bath tub on Sunday mornings, drinking coffee and listening to jazz, sitting hand-in-hand in a movie theater, or take stolen smooches on the freeway as we head off on a long road trip. Romance is as much a part of our relationship as is breathing.

No one group has the exclusive rights on romance, and everyone is capable of both creating it and finding it — gay, straight, men, women, east or west coast. It does not happen on its own. It has to be nurtured and tended and watered. So, don’t give up hope, man. Love will find its way to you in its own sweet time! And when it does, don’t let it slip away.

       — A Craigslist response to a posting claiming that there were no romantic gay men, March 6, 2005

Quotes — Affirmations and Provocations on Same-sex Couples

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