Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples
Online from 1995-2022

Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership.

In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade.

In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur.

Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners.

Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship.

Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer.


Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
Demian, director    206-935-1206    demian@buddybuddy.com    Seattle, WA    Founded 1986

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Surviving Two-Career Partnerships
by Demian
© January 1999, Demian


Consider these ideas for bringing harmony to the common disruptions of super busy lives.
  • Lower your standards in areas like housework and meals. Save energy for the real challenge — communicating. Try to dismiss idyllic images of childhood when there was probably a full-time housewife cooking and cleaning. While families have changed greatly, work places still operate as if everyone had a housespouse at home to take care of everything.

  • Schedule everything: time with friends, children, and each other. If working couples rely on spontaneity for their sex lives, they’ll probably end up celibate.

  • Allow whining time. Everyone needs to get rid of the daily hurts and disappointments that can only be expressed in the safety of home. Don’t give advice or become defensive. Simply respond with “That must have been awful!” or “What a rough day you’ve had!” Tactfully terminate the whining session after a certain period of time; you can take only so much. Even if the session lasts briefly, people feel much better when they know someone has listened.

  • Spend money on things that save time. Paying someone to clean for you, or going out to eat more often can buy you more time together. Use the money from the furniture allowance.

  • Set life goals. What is really important? Are you constantly in a rush? Find time for moments of silence and contemplation.

  • Beware of resentment building in a relationship. Examine potential sources of resentment and set them straight. Divide responsibilities more equally.

  • Learn communication and decision-making skills; don’t attack or blame. Express feelings without negating either of you. Learn to negotiate in ways that allow everyone to feel their needs are satisfied.

  • Develop creative solutions to problems. For example; should one partner feel they weren’t getting their share of the food they like, make part of the food storage area theirs alone.

  • Set up a “feelings” session; a time for expressing emotions without getting judgmental feedback. This is more intimate than a whining session. Don’t talk about work, cars, computers or politics.

  • All solutions are not personal. Some pressures come from outside the relationship. We deserve the support many Canadian and European families enjoy: legal marriage, spousal health and dental benefits, spousal care and bereavement leave, as well as longer vacations, subsidized daycare, and parental leave. When our civil rights are protected and our consensual sex acts decriminalized, we will lead happier lives.

  • Whatever you’re doing, endeavor to make it fun.
Adapted from ideas presented in an article by Dr. Cecile Andrews in Woman Learning, Vol.1, #3
Return to: Partners: Table of Contents

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