Archive Version of
Partners Task Force for Gay and Lesbian Couples Online from 1995-2022 Demian and Steve Bryant originally founded Partners as a monthly newsletter in 1986. By late 1990 it was reformatted into a bi-monthly magazine. Print publication was halted by 1995 when Demian published Partners as a Web site, which greatly expanded readership. In 1988, the Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples report was published; the first major U.S. survey on same-sex couples in a decade. In 1996, Demian produced The Right to Marry, a video documentary based on the dire need for equality that was made clear by the data from the survey mentioned above. The video featured interviews with Rev. Mel White, Evan Wolfson, Phyllis Burke, Richard Mohr, Kevin Cathcart, Faygele benMiriam, Benjamin Cable-McCarthy, Susan Reardon, Frances Fuchs, Tina Podlodowski, and Chelle Mileur. Demian has been the sole operator during the last two decades of Partners. Demian stopped work on Partners Task Force in order to realize his other time-consuming projects, which include publishing the book “Operating Manual for Same-Sex Couples: Navigating the rules, rites & rights” - which is now available on Amazon. The book is based on the Partners Survey mentioned above, his interviews of scores of couples, and 36 years of writing hundreds of articles about same-sex couples. It’s also been informed by his personal experience in a 20-year, same-sex relationship. Demian’s other project is to publish his “Photo Stories by Demian” books based on his more than six decades as a photographer and writer. |
Partners National Survey of Lesbian & Gay Couples Summary of Results by Demian © April 18, 2018, Demian In the fall of 1988, this major survey was undertaken to develop an accurate portrait of lesbian and gay couples in America. Survey forms were circulated through gay churches and community centers, but most couples requested the forms after reading notices in the gay press. Partners Magazine for Gay & Lesbian Couples and Out/Look (both now discontinued) and a few gay newspapers published the survey itself. Data was published in a special Partners May/June 1989 monograph. The entire project was developed and conducted by Steve Bryant and Demian, Ed.D. The survey drew a total of 1,749 responses, representing 1,266 couples — 706 lesbian couples (56%) and 560 male couples (44%). In some cases, both partners of a couple submitted a survey; in others, only one partner did. For purposes of statistical analysis, responses were weighted so that each couple was counted only once. Respondents provided demographic information, such as age and education, for both themselves and their partners. This summary reports only information for the respondents since it differs little from the information they provided for their partners. Because figures are rounded, columns may not total 100 percent.
An academic presentation of key findings from this survey appears in a couples-oriented issue of the Journal of Gay and Lesbian Social Services (Vol. 1, #2, 1994) and in Social Services for Gay and Lesbian Couples (Lawrence Kurdick, ed., 1994), both from Haworth Press.
Survey Results Summary
© 1995, Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP Women Men Average years 4.9 6.9 Relationships averaged nearly six years in length for all couples, even though the average respondent was only 35 years old. More than 100 couples had passed their 15th anniversary. One lesbian relationship had spanned 43 years, and three male couples had lasted more than 40 years. 19% of lesbian couples and 13% of male couples had been together one year or less. NUMBER OF PREVIOUS MAJOR GAY/LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS Women(%) Men(%) None 32 38 One 26 33 Two 23 18 Three 10 7 Four 4 3 Five or more 5 1 Average number 1.52 1.07 YEARS IN PREVIOUS MAJOR GAY/LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS Women (%) Men (%) None 1 2 1 year 8 20 2 years 12 22 3 years 10 13 4 years 11 10 5 years 10 9 6 years 8 4 7 years 6 4 8 years 5 4 9 years 5 2 10 years 7 3 11-15 years 12 4 16 or more 6 2 Average yrs 6.6 4.2 PREVIOUS HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE Women(%) Men(%) Never married 73 81 Married once 23 18 Married twice 4 1 Thrice or more <1 <1 WHERE COUPLES MET Women(%) Men(%) Friends 28 19 Work 21 7 Social event 16 13 School* 9 3 Bar 4 22 Religious event 4 7 Political event 4 4 Support group* 3 2 Park/public space* 2 6 Classified ad 2 6 Baths/cruising* <1 5 Other 5 6 * write-in response SEXUAL ORIENTATION Women(%) Men(%) Gay/lesbian 93 97 Bisexual 7 3 AGE Women Men Average years 34.7 36.5 RACE Women(%) Men(%) White 95 95 Latino/Latina 2 2 Black 2 1 Asian/Pacific Islander 1 1 Native American <1 <1 Other <1 <1 CLASS BACKGROUND Women(%) Men(%) Working class 31 33 Middle class 60 62 Moneyed class 6 4 Other 1 1 Poor/welfare* 1 <1 * Write-in response EDUCATION Women Men Average years 16.7 16.8 73% of women and 72% of men had at least four years of college. POLITICAL ORIENTATION Women(%) Men(%) Very liberal 39 29 Liberal 40 44 Moderate 19 21 Conservative 2 5 Very conservative <1 1 RELIGION Women(%) Men(%) Protestant 25 32 Atheist/agnostic 23 25 Catholic 14 21 Jewish 10 7 Pagan/Goddess/Wicca 6 2 Unitarian 3 2 Eastern religion 1 1 Quaker 1 <1 Other 9 7 No response or uninterpretable 9 4 INCOME Women(%) Men(%) $8,000 or below 10 8 $8,001 - 15,000 17 12 $15,001 - 25,000 27 26 $25,001 - 40,000 33 29 $40,001 - 65,000 11 16 above $65,000 3 9 INCOME SHARING Women(%) Men(%) Entirely shared 39 41 Partly shared 36 41 Not shared 25 19 EMPLOYER-PROVIDED BENEFITS FOR PARTNER Women(%) Men(%) Health coverage 4 6 Other benefits 5 7 TYPES OF DISCRIMINATION ENCOUNTERED AS A COUPLE Women(%) Men(%) Employment benefits 58 40 Taxes 47 37 Insurance 46 34 Membership 20 11 Credit/banking 15 10 Employment 14 13 Housing 11 11 Hotels 6 6 Hospital visitation 6 2 Adoption 5 2 Foster care 3 2 Other 7 4 None/none indicated 23 34 WHERE COUPLE LIVES Women(%) Men(%) Urban gay neighborhood 50 66 Urban area 11 9 Suburban area 29 15 Rural area 11 9 LIVING TOGETHER Women(%) Men(%) Always 75 82 Sometimes 12 11 Never 12 6 RESIDENCE STATUS Women(%) Men(%) Jointly owned 32 36 Owned by one partner 24 24 Rented/leased by both 33 27 Rented/leased by one 11 13 NUMBER OF CHILDREN CARED FOR Women(%) Men(%) None 79 91 One 10 5 Two 8 3 Three 2 1 Four or more 2 1 SOURCE OF CHILDREN Women(%) Men(%) Previous marriage 74 79 Alternative insemination 13 0 Adoption 7 8 Foster parent program 3 6 Other source 11 11 PLANS FOR CHILDREN (OR MORE CHILDREN) Women(%) Men(%) Not planning 60 68 Considering 20 9 Planning 10 4 No response 10 20 SEXUAL AGREEMENTS Women(%) Men(%) Monogamy 91 63 Monogamy w/agreed exceptions 7 26 Non-monogamy 3 11 FREQUENCY OF BREAKING SEXUAL AGREEMENTS Women(%) Men(%) Never 90 63 Rarely 8 28 Sometimes 1 8 Often <1 2 PARTNER'S ADMITTED FREQUENCY OF BREAKING SEXUAL AGREEMENTS Women(%) Men(%) Never 93 73 Rarely 7 21 Sometimes <1 6 Often <1 <1 FREQUENCY OF SEX WITH PARTNER PER MONTH Women(%) Men(%) None 3 6 1 15 5 2 12 8 3 10 5 4 15 10 5-9 19 27 10-15 14 25 16 or more 11 15 Average 7.1 10.1 Median 4 8 QUALITY OF SEX WITH PARTNER Women(%) Men(%) Excellent 54 34 Good 24 33 Satisfactory 16 25 Unsatisfactory 7 9 FREQUENCY OF OUTSIDE SEX PER MONTH Women(%) Men(%) None 98 78 1 1 10 2 <1 5 3 <1 3 4 <1 2 5-10 <1 2 11 or more <1 1 Average 0.06 0.63 ROLE OF AIDS In forming relationship: Women(%) Men(%) None 91 72 Minor 8 21 Major 1 8 In continuing relationship: None 79 52 Minor 18 34 Major 3 14 RISK FOR AIDS Women(%) Men(%) Not at risk 93 62 At risk 7 28 HIV-Positive <1 8 Person with AIDS/aRC 0 2 Other <1 1 SAFETY OF SEX IN RELATIONSHIP DURING LAST YEAR Women(%) Men(%) HIV-Negative & monogamous 54 34 Safe 30 32 Possibly safe 9 17 Unsafe 5 12 Didn't have sex 2 5 SAFETY OF SEX OUTSIDE RELATIONSHIP DURING LAST YEAR Women(%) Men(%) Didn't have outside sex 90 58 Safe 5 30 Possibly safe 4 10 Unsafe 2 2 PARTNER'S SAFETY OF SEX OUTSIDE RELATIONSHIP DURING LAST YEAR Women(%) Men(%) Didn't have outside sex 86 54 Safe 4 20 Possibly safe 3 7 Unsafe 1 1 Don't know 6 19 TWO GREATEST CHALLENGES TO RELATIONSHIP Women(%) Men(%) Communication 42 49 Career 26 30 Relatives 26 18 Sex 25 22 Money 25 28 Health 9 12 Co-workers 3 2 Neighbors 1 1 Other 23 13 RELATIONSHIP HAS SUFFERED FROM Women(%) Men(%) Partner's Verbal abuse 17 15 Substance abuse 7 11 Physical abuse 3 3 Respondent's Verbal abuse 19 16 Substance abuse 8 8 Physical abuse 3 2 BIG ARGUMENTS PER MONTH Women(%) Men(%) None 57 65 One 31 26 Two 9 6 Three or more 3 4 Average number 1.0 0.6 SMALL ARGUMENTS PER MONTH Women(%) Men(%) None 10 13 One 21 20 Two 28 26 Three 14 14 Four 11 10 Five 5 6 Six or more 11 12 Average number 3.5 3.7 SOUGHT RELATIONSHIP HELP Women(%) Men(%) [found helpful] [found helpful] from: Friend 47 [92] 43 [93] Counselor 45 [92] 27 [92] Relative 9 [86] 7 [82] Clergy 4 [80] 5 [80] PREFERRED NAME FOR PARTNER Women(%) Men(%) Partner/life partner 35 27 Lover 30 40 Spouse 10 9 Roommate/friend 7 5 Mate/life mate 4 6 Boyfriend/girlfriend 2 2 Husband/wife 1 1 Multiple responses 9 8 Other 2 4 LEGAL ARRANGEMENTS Women(%) Men(%) Done [Planned] Done [Planned] Will 32 [46] 39 [40] Power of Attorney 28 [41] 27 [29] Partnership/Living Together Agreement 9 [18] 10 [13] Other 6 [4] 3 [1] DEGREE OF COMMITMENT Women(%) Men(%) For life 67 76 For a long time 25 20 For a while 7 4 Briefly <1 0 RELATIONSHIP RITUALS Women(%) Men(%) Held ceremony 19 11 Wear ring/symbol 57 36 Other ritual 12 9 QUALITY OF RELATIONSHIP Women(%) Men(%) 1 (Highest) 47 36 2 32 39 3 13 15 4 2 4 5 2 3 6 2 3 7 (Lowest) 1 1 Average rating 1.9 2.1 SOURCES OF SUPPORT (rated from 1 = strong support to 7 = hostile) Women Men Gay friends 1.50 1.65 Gay church 1.59 1.99 Lesbian/gay couples group 1.63 1.77 Other gay organizations 1.69 1.91 Other friends 2.15 2.09 Co-workers 2.72 2.55 Siblings 2.82 2.80 Boss 2.84 2.78 Mother 3.34 2.98 Other relatives 3.44 3.34 Father 3.71 3.37 Church 4.22 4.54 Average rating 2.64 2.65 SOURCE OF SURVEY RESPONSES Women(%) Men(%) Unknown (gay/lesbian newspapers, political, social & religious gay groups) 56 52 Out/Look magazine 34 27 Partners Newsletter 3 13 Other 8 8 |
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